Welcome to Mark's. We weigh our beans to the decigram and debate water filtration methods daily. You get to drink the result. Possibly satire, yours to find out.
We don't bake them here (our oven is for show), but we know a guy who knows a guy. They arrive fresh every morning at 7 AM.
"The almond croissant changed my life. I mean, it was messy, but worth it."
— A Real Customer, probably.
Twice-baked. Frangipane filling. Sliced almonds.
Warning: You will get powdered sugar on your dark clothes.
Croissant dough. Cinnamon sugar. Orange zest.
Sticky, sweet, and structurally unsound.
Cheddar. Chive. Maybe bacon bits?
The only responsible breakfast choice here.
Dark chocolate. Sea salt. No flour.
It tastes normal. We swear.
A dense sphere of pink sugar on a stick.
Keeps children quiet for exactly 4 minutes.
Yellow pound cake. Thick lemon icing.
We all know the icing is the only part you actually want.
Gruyère. Bacon. Suspiciously uniform texture.
High protein. Low joy. Tastes like efficiency.
Flaky pastry. Cream cheese dollop.
Gone in two bites, regret sets in by three.
Note on Laptops
We have WiFi, but the password is a riddle. We encourage "socializing" or "staring blankly out the window."